Have you ever stirred a bowl of oil and water? Isn’t it something how the two won’t mix? They fight against one another and never combine…never become one.
My heart feels like oil and water sometimes. My flesh fighting against the spiritual…not wanting to mix…to give in.
Since I can remember I have struggled with decisions. Struggled to make choices. From the small to large. All decisions. My stomach turns within me. I begin to feel unsettled. My physical body is responding to my mental processing.
Just this morning I was struggling with some decsions, decisions that shouldn’t even be that difficult. It is time to get a new car seat for our daughter. She is ready for front facing. When I try to look online there are so many options…I feel overwhelmed. What if I pick the wrong one?
In recent years I have adapted to online shopping due to our location. (Yeah, my dad calls us hilly billys.) It’s a drive to get to malls and larger stores.
Part of me thinks it would be easier to go to the store so I can see the options. However, the drive with a one-year-old is quickly demotivating. So this morning, with my overwhelmed mind I went to my husband. Hoping he could help me think clearly. And he did. He helped me process.
Later, as I thought about the car seat situation I wondered how I let myself get to such a place. Why do anxieties arise due to simple (non-life changing) decisions? Why do I get like this? Why do I run down these trails?
Even things like picking the meals to serve my family? Or what activities I should do with my daughter each day can feel overwhelming? What if I make the wrong choice? What if my daughter eats PB&J three days in a row? “I must be a bad mother.” What if my daughter has to run errands with me two days in a row and it restrained to her car seat for hours. “I must be a bad mother.”
You see, decisions can lead me down a road of fear and negativity. Decisions, when I put them in my hands alone feel larger than life.
This morning I feel God stirring my heart. Oil and water don’t mix. I can’t make them mix. It won’t work.
I need to pour out the oil. Get rid of it. Discard the anxiety oil. Let water run through. Let the water of God’s love purify my heart, my mind. Placing all decisions under His light rather than my fear and negativity shades.
Lord, I pray for wisdom for me and my sisters. I ask for Your love and discernment filters to cover us in each decision. Father, help us to see when we are trying to mix oil and water. Lead us to Your love and wisdom removing all fear and negativity within our hearts. May we learn to trust You, rely on You in every decision. In the name of Your Son, Jesus. Amen
Proverbs 12:25 Worry weighs a person down; an encouraging word cheers a person up. NLT
Philippians 4:6-7 do not be anxious about anything, but in everything by prayer and supplication with thanksgiving let your requests be made known to God. 7 And the peace of God,which surpasses all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus. ESV
Luke 12:29 And do not seek what you should eat or what you should drink, nor have an anxious mind. NKJV
1 Peter 5:7 casting all your care upon Him, for He cares for you. NKJV
Proverbs 3:5-6 Trust in the Lord with all your heart, And lean not on your own understanding; In all your ways acknowledge Him, And He shall direct your paths. NKJV