The sun was fading into the horizon and gray was filling the space all around me. My heart was heavy from a busy, hectic day. I was tired and weary.
As the gray was turning darker, into the thick night so too were my thoughts. Weighty and heavy as the dark night. I was having trouble seeing, sorting through them, my thoughts. I knew I had messed up that day. I was not patient with my daughter. I did not have compassion toward my husband and most of all my heart had not been focused on Jesus.
I was consumed with me, me, me. On the outside, it didn’t seem as such. I was busy doing for others yet all the while thinking about me. Thinking about how I was doing good and how I must look good to others.
I so often fall into a trap of wanting to please others, a trap of wanting to look good – put together – holy. Often I deceive myself and others. I am no more put together than the next person. I am no more in control.
I am a mess. I am the evening gray in need of His Light.
Every day a constant battle, a battle to fight the me that rises up inside. The me that keeps me from drawing nearer, closer to God.
Now in the evening gray, I pause, reflect. Thankfulness presses within me. Despite my flaws, despite my struggles, despite me; my Father is still calling my name, correcting me.
He is the Light shining, revealing where my actions pull away from Light and follow after darkness. Now as I watch the evening slip away into the dark of night I realize…it is up to me…will I walk into the Light? Believing He has what is best.Trusting He can transform me; more of Him and less of me.
A change of me Transforming me to be All for Thee None for me
John 8:12 Jesus spoke to them saying, “I am the light of the world. Whoever follows me will not walk in darkness, but will have the light of life.” ESV
John 10:27 My sheep hear my voice, and I know them, and they follow Me. ESV