A sticky, clear river flows from his nose. Cries that pierce a mommy heart. Earthquake shaky cough. All day. All night. Illness does not stop for one to sleep.
On top of it all a waterfall of drool pouring down his chin. Mouth aching. Shining white trying to make their way to the surface.
This mom is tired, worn from the physical and emotional demands of not one but three sick kiddos. His cries from the other room sound, every hour like the chiming of a grandfather clock. Rising, not sure how, how there is strength left.
For hours in the darkest of the night, I try everything to comfort him. Everything his 7-month-old body usually likes and is comforted by. Bounce, pace, music, rock, snuggle, sing, blankie, nurse, on and on. Nothing. All rejected. Pressing hands against my chest and arching his small frame away. He does not want me or my comforts. He cries and resists. I am breaking. I am his mom and I cannot comfort him. Hot tears well in my eyes. How, how can this be?
Later as I reflected on the awful week that RSV plagued our home I saw something precious. How often has my Father reached out with His comfort and I rejected? How often have my eyes been covered by “the illness”? How often have I been given the comforts I enjoy yet not given thanks?
My heavenly Father is able to give me far more than I can imagine however I reject. I have rejected His love, His peace, His joy at different seasons of my life.
I do not want to live life with a spiritual illness. I want to see, clearly see.
Just as my son’s illness passed and he was once again accepting my love, my comforts I to want to daily (in every moment) fully embrace my Father’s gifts.
Where are you at today? Rejecting due to chronic spiritual illness? Or fully seeing and embracing the beauty God has for you? The comfort that you are deeply loved. The comfort that you are enough because of Christ. The comfort that you can have joy because of both.
Ephesians 3:20 Now all glory to God, who is able, through his mighty power at work within us, to accomplish infinitely more than we might ask or think. NLT
1 John 4:16 We know how much God loves us, and we have put our trust in his love. God is love, and all who live in love live in God, and God lives in them. NLT
Psalm 86:15 But You, O Lord, are a God full of compassion, and gracious,
Longsuffering and abundant in mercy and truth. NKJV