As we walk this journey of life our roles often change. We enter new seasons. Our feet touch unexplored territories. We work hard to keep things the same however it is inevitable. Life changes, our roles change.
Last week I noticed that despite the changes around me something deep inside has not changed. In the last four years, my roles have changed from not only daughter and sister but into wife and mother. These have been times of joy. Roles I have wanted and waited for.
Nevertheless, my old habits, my consistent ways of carrying my roles have not changed. I have walked into marriage and motherhood with a mighty weight. With the expectation that I need to be perfect. I need to handle it all, whatever comes my way. I need to solve problems and conquer the world as wife and mother.
Deep inside I want to be strong, brave, and self-reliant. The fear of being a burden lingers near me like the smell of a poopy diaper. Just doesn’t vanish right away even when the diaper is removed.
As I look at this pattern inside my I see how flawed it is. How it lacks trust. Trust in a God greater than everything. A God who cares, knows and sees all. Lack of trust that He will do far more than the human hand.
My pattern also lacks humility. The heart of servitude and gratitude. The heart that says I can’t do this alone.
Perfection. That is the essence of this pattern in my life, in carrying out my roles. Can you relate? Have you lived with a heart seeking perfection or a heart after trust, humility, servanthood and gratitude?
I am right there with you. You are not alone.
Being brave and strong are not bad qualities. Wanting to protect our families and keep problems away is not bad either. However, seeking perfection and control over trusting God is an issue.
Living brave and strong should not look like perfection. Living brave and strong looks more like David going up against Goliath. Or Daniel facing the lions’ den.
I want to start living a brave life rooted in a deep trust in my God and Father. I want to be strong because He has made me so. What about you? How do you want to walk in the roles God has called you to?
Proverbs 3:5-6 Trust in the Lord with all your heart, and do not lean on your own understanding. Inall your ways acknowledge him, and he will make straight your paths. ESV
1 Samuel 17:37,45,46a The Lord who rescued me from the paw of the lion and the paw of the bear will rescue me from the hand of this Philistine.” Saul said to David, “Go, and the Lord be with you.” David said to the Philistine, “You come against me with sword and spear and javelin, but I come against you in the name of the Lord Almighty, the God of the armies of Israel, whom you have defied. This day the Lord will deliver you into my hands,” NIV
Daniel 6:22 (Daniel’s response to the King’s question if he was okay) “My God sent his angel, and he shut the mouths of the lions. They have not hurt me, because I was found innocent in his sight. Nor have I ever done any wrong before you, Your Majesty.” NIV
Psalm 20:7 Some trust in chariots and some in horses, but we trust in the name of the Lord our God. ESV
Psalm 28:7 The Lord is my strength and shield. I trust him with all my heart. He helps me, and my heart is filled with joy. I burst out in songs of thanksgiving. NLT