Some days I feel stuck. Trapped among sticky tables, poopy diapers, complaining voices, and never-ending laundry. I try to sit for just a minute and breathe but then the baby cries. Almost as if he knew mommy was trying to take a break.
Some times I feel torn between who I was, who I am becoming and who I want to be. I am no longer where I used to be. The carefree yet insecure wife where the greatest decision each day was what to make for dinner. I don’t want to go back there. The past has nothing for me now however the enemy likes us to think even for a minute that the past was somehow better.
The women I want to be…well…the expectations. A confident, God honoring, Jesus serving, people-loving, patient always, passion abounding daughter of the King! I see my potential. I see God’s desires. I know anything is possible with God however this is one stumbling mommy.
The woman I am becoming is a slow process. The woman I am now as God shapes me is like the studded walls of a new construction. In progress. A form and shape but far from complete.
God is using these days. These days where the minutes are long and the days are quick. These days when I have morning hair all day and snot smeared across my pants and some other body fluid on my shirt. These days when privacy doesn’t exist. They want to wear my panty liners, like to play with my breast pads and everything in my bathroom drawer fascinating. These days when they cry about a fly in the house. Sit on each other and scream. Fight about toys and hit to try to resolve conflict. These days when they pee their pants, play with their poop in bed and throw their boogers on the floor. These days get me feeling stuck however as I type this I smile.
I know I am among the privileged. Among the blessed. This journey of motherhood is priceless. The growing and shaping God is doing in my mommy heart is better than winning great honor.
Whatever mess you find yourself in today. Whatever has you feeling stuck. Just know that even in this messy, sticky place you are seen. You are valued. You are being molded into a better you. The more complete you that God is shaping. He sees that end. You can trust Him with this messy spot because He sees the finished product!
Isaiah 55:8-9 “My thoughts are nothing like your thoughts,” says the Lord. “And my ways are far beyond anything you could imagine. For just as the heavens are higher than the earth, so my ways are higher than your ways and my thoughts higher than your thoughts. NLT
Psalm 18:30 As for God, his way is perfect: The Lord’s word is flawless: he shields all who take refuge in him. NIV